It's all over now. Baby blue.

Five years. I feel like my heart's been ripped out and my world's upside down. I thought I was being sensible. We want different things, our lives are completely incompatible in terms of hopes and dreams so I thought I'd take the ripping off the plaster approach in an attempt to let both our hearts heal. Unfortunately all that's happened is I'm left with a rather nasty scar that just won't heal. I know it's only been a month and as people keep telling me things will "get easier" eventually but I can't see that at the moment, all I can see is that I've lost the love of my life. I miss him. More than anything in the world.

Don't get me wrong I love my life here, I love my home, my job, my town and my friends but I just can't get over the fact that without him my life is not the same. I've lost my soul. He's my best friend and my lover and I feel empty and dull, like there's a big shadow over my whole life. I still don't know how we can ever get over the fact we want different things but I know my life will never be the same again unless I"m by his side.

The thing which hurts me the most is the fact that he's just accepted it. No fight. No attempts to hang on, just cold, quiet acceptance. It hurts like hell. He said to me he'd fight for our relationship but at the end of the day it's just words. I really thought that he'd come through and show me that I'm being an idiot. I think I needed him to, I needed the affirmation that despite our different dreams eventually everything would be ok....I was wrong....

How can you spend five years with someone sharing with them your bed, your innermost thoughts and your dreams and desires and yet totally misunderstand them? Maybe this is the right decision. How can I dream of forever with someone who can accept it's all over in less than a week?

At the end of the day, all we have in life is passion, whether it be for what we want or who we want, it seems to me that to ask for both is just simply too much....